metamour vs paramour

In other words, it’s non-consensual, but it’s also not really coercive. She reassured and reaffirmed me about our relationship, something that was of great comfort to me. When they first reestablished their relationship (and “forced” me into a poly situation), I had plenty of issues and insecurities.

A married person’s outside lover.

Or they may merely be sociable, civil, and tolerant — especially if some of the relationships are very new or far less emotionally invested. Often they’re philosophically okay with the idea that someone might have more than one intimate relationship going on, and that this might be “allowed” and honest. We just attended the Winter Flea this past weekend, and some of the presentations were invaluable in helping us develop and grow our relationship, especially in the area of communication.

It invokes physics to me. […]Such a great word! Letter to my metamour or paramour. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. I agree with that wholeheartedly.On the other hand, you also seem to be saying that when poly people are expected to treat their metamours with respect and consideration, to basically let got of couple privilege, you seem to be saying that’s somehow coercive, setting up metamourhood as an inflexible “institution.” I don’t quite get that part.

Compersion would best be used to describe my feelings of acceptance, understanding and compassion for him, though it is at present unilateral. If no one’s allowed to have more than one serious partner, there’s no need for a word for additional relationships.All the terms we have for stepping outside that norm are negative or trivializing: cheating, fooling around, messing around, playing the field, two-timing, commitment-phobic, womanizing, philandering, etc.For polyamorous and open people, these word choices all suck. Also, only the person in the middle is supposed to acknowledge what’s going on and handle communication with everyone — his or her existing partner is supposed to be able to ignore the additional relationships, and certainly never have to take them into consideration in a positive, respectful way.In monogamous culture, if metamours know (or at least know about) each other, and if they encounter each other, they typically assume a stance of strong hierarchy and even emnity.

Belle and Claire CAN’T have a relationship yet–they haven’t met each other. More typically in poly relationships metamours are (or try to be) mutually respectful, considerate, and supportive. You can expect to become an expert on making your metamours, especially ones that identify as primaries, feel comfortable and safe with your presence because […]I’ve always done my best to be friendly with my metamours. While I had to do some adjusting to her polyamory, he seems to be having a much harder time with it, even though she was poly with him and another partner for two years. She and I have an intensely open and honest communication pathway established, and I hide nothing from her, including my thoughts and feelings, fears and insecurities. Why should I be upset, threatened or insecure about someone who gives so much of value to her life?Though she tells me that he defers to me(I’m “primary” in common parlance), I consider us both to be equally legitimate partners to her. That’s the point. )Maintaining good metamour relations inevitably entails giving up at least some Even worse: In the poly community — where egalitarian relationship values are commonly touted — active and passive resistance to walking the talk about treating metamours with respect and consideration turns many otherwise cool poly folk into blatant hypocrites.Again, everything I’ve said here is from my perspective only, to clarify how I’m using this term. Usenet newsgroups: Some of the terms in this glossary are used primarily in swinging; it should not be inferred from this that polyamory and swinging are the same thing. I’m married and just started dating a gal, and she and my partner get along great!
I can see why that might make people feel they are being coerced into a relationship with them, as if their partner is saying: “hey, I am part of a package, to love me you have to love all my partners as well”.Yes, I realize that none of the above is *technically* true and defining “metamour” to be simply “one’s lover’s lover” does not imply “one’s ‘kind of’ lover”, but I think the nuance ends up being there.So interesting! But still, I think it’s a surprisingly useful and important term…New words, even awkward or silly-sounding ones, make the most sense when you need to discuss something that isn’t supposed to exist (or at least, not be visible) in common society.In our culture, where monogamy is a dominant paradigm (as well as a strongly held and emotionally charged common assumption and value), you’re only supposed to have “serious” intimate relationships with one person at a time.
(Hell, we didn’t have a word for them, so how could they exist?


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